I have mentioned in the past my fondness for appalling writing. The purpler the prose, the happier I get. Imagine my delight when Stumbleupon brought me to a page of the Top 15 Bad Romance Novel Opening Lines.

“The heaving waves on the vast, ink-black ocean sent a salty spray over the proud bow of the three-masted ship, leaving beads of water on the exposed alabaster skin above the bodice of the tall, raven-haired woman who stood sobbing on the deck, her salty tears mixing with the storm-tossed sea.” You can’t beat a good run-on sentence, can you? But you really can’t beat a really dreadful one.

“Nicole let the silk blouse fall from her shoulders, wrapped her left leg around James and deftly cut some cheese.” You don’t often see cheeses and silk blouses in the one sentence now do you?

And the creme de la creme: “It was a dark and horny night…”

All hail Stumbleupon. Full page here.