Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Richard Pryor. Oh, no, hang on! Dylan Moran is still with us. And Tommy Tiernan. Demetri Martin. Scratch that ill-considered title – we’ve still got a few proper funny-men. But Mitch Hedberg is dead – and he was gooooood:
  • A lot of times, I’ll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the emergency brake.
  • I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
  • One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,“Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera!”
  • My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She’s an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
  • An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

And my favourite:

  • I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.