An interesting chat On The QT on the topic of assertiveness – what it is, why it’s so rare, and some of the benefits that accrue to those who learn to use this model of communication. In a nutshell, we have 4 recognisable modes:
  • Passive“Feel free to trample all over me.”
  • Aggressive“No strategy, just TRAMPLING! Don’t know why it feels so good, but it does.”
  • Passive-Aggressive“By some weird coincidence, anyone who messes with me ends up getting trampled on. Not by me! Lord no! But somehow, the unwitnessed trampling always seems to take place …”
  • Assertive“I don’t feel that trampling is a particularly useful solution these days, so I don’t ever trample all over people, but I also don’t let anyone trample all over me. Ever.”

With the resultant win/lose models, and all the ramifications they have for ongoing relations:

Fundamentally, this comes down to rights and respect – both for yourself and others.

RSS Readers may need to click through to the post

This is the book I mentioned in the interview. Not easy to get any more, but the best slim-jim I’ve found on the topic: